Done and dusted

Well its hard to believe that the three years are over already and that I've finished my degree, now all I have to do is wait and see what my results are and then attend graduation. On one hand its hard not to be nervous, I'm sincerely hoping I have done well, on the other hand there is nothing else I can do and I just need to play the waiting game. I like to think I've worked hard and it would be really awful if I don't manage to get a good degree at the end of it all.


                           

 This final year was hard, our group of university friends was broken up even further due to us doing mostly different  modules and if we did spend time together in uni it was whilst working away on assignments or our honours projects. My own honours project was time intensive and demanding, I was in almost every Thursday and Friday working in the lab from the third week up to the week before the actual practical work deadline (well into the second semester). It meant learning a lot of new techniques, with little encouragement for doing things well but plenty of disapproval from my practical work supervisor if any mistakes were made. Once all the practical work was done then it was time for analysis and of course the writing of the actual report (mine ended up being 30 pages long) as well as a presentation on the project. Morale wasn't exactly helped by the fact that the amount of work wasn't balanced between students, with some not having to start practical work until well into the second semester allowing them plenty more time to complete assignments and revise for the first semester of exams but this was due to the school and the supervisors not the students.

As I've said before I'm not exactly sure what my plans are for the future it may be that I go back and do a masters or a PhD but it would have to be something that I'm interested in rather than doing something just for the sake of it. I'm planning to have some time to relax and recuperate after the exams I've just done and then I will start looking at my options properly. Obviously what I decide will depend on how I have actually done in my degree overall.

Thanks for reading.

Long time no speak

Hello, those of you who have liked my Facebook page will have seen the post I made a while back apologising for the lack of updates, at that time I was in the process of writing my honours project report which was a long and at times tedious process. I will apologise again for not having had any updates since completing it due to revision for exams taking up most of my days so that I wasn't exactly in the mood to write. But now I'm free from the pressures of university, this means that I will have much more time to write and post updates and I've actually got a list of topics and ideas prepared so I cannot blame writer's block for not updating.

Thanks for your patience and I hope to have several updates in the very near future.

Confidence

Being confident has always been seen as a good trait to have but for someone who stands out this can be a problem. I admit that at times I've struggled with confidence due to having Treacher Collins Syndrome and being worried about what people would think of me and also whether or not they could understand me. The fact is as a person who already stands out you will likely stand out more if you appear nervous whereas if you act like confident and like you belong people will likely take far less notice.

As with all things practice makes perfect, the first time I had to give a presentation at high school I burst into tears, I'm not sure what I was worried about but I just got very nervous. As time went on  I got better and became better at getting up in front of people. One of the things that helped me with this was playing guitar. My music school usually has a concert around Christmas and also another one around the summer, my teacher was keen for me to play at one of them and after seeing what it was like as a non-performer I finally agreed. My first performance was at a Christmas concert I was still inexperienced so I only played a simple carol-god rest ye merry gentlemen. The performance went well, it seemed to fly by and I wanted to do more. I did several more performances sitting down either simple songs or grade songs with a backing track.  It finally got to a point when I wanted to do a cover of a proper song and I decided on Can't Stop by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. I practised with another student who played bass guitar and one of the drum teachers played drums and another teacher sang. It went well but I was so nervous that my leg wouldn't stop shaking, my mum later commented that she thought I was tapping my foot! Since then I've performed on numerous occasions most recently covering Everlong which you can see in this post.

Playing guitar i with other people n front of an audience has certianly helped my confidence

During my degree I've certainly been glad that I'm a lot more confident than I once was, what with meeting new people, making new friends, group projects and of course several presentations. That said there are still future trials, the main one I'm currently focused on is the presentation I have to give for my honours project. Everyone has to give a 10 minute presentation, without notes on their honours project in front of everyone who is giving presentations that day as well as the people marking, other lecturers and maybe even people from the various labs who have come to watch the students who have been working in their lab. So all that said I'm pretty nervous but I know I can do it and I'm sure everyone else will be just as nervous. There is also the aspect of after university in terms of interviews whether it be for a job or for further learning opportunities such as a pHD. I had to do a mock interview with my honours project supervisor and while it did not go particularly well I now know what I need to do next time round.

Thanks for reading.

Upgrade

I don't know if I mentioned before but over the summer I had a trial period of a digital bone conductor hearing aid firstly because it is meant to be better than analog but mainly because the analog ones are getting harder to repair/are not being made any more apparently. When I tried it on it was very strange because things sounded different from what I was used to.The technician/audiologist made a big deal about how it had programs installed in order to block out background noise and hence let me hear a conversation in a noisy environment. I tried it for maybe a week or so before having to switch back to my old one due to the wierd noises I kept getting with the digital one, quite hard to describe but it made it impossible for me to hear people at times.

It was only a couple of weeks ago that we finally got a follow up appointment to try and get it sorted out and the guy (who is an awkward person to deal with in the first place) only decided to tell us then that the programs are actually only meant for people with inner ear damage (which he knew I didn't have when he first gave me the digital aid). So basically he had sent me off to trial a hearing aid which had programs installed that he basically knew wouldn't work for me. So I've now gotten it home again with the programs switched off so its basically the same as my old one excep digital. The problem is that I can't actually use it properly since the shoe to attach the reciever for my fm system (which I give to lecturers at uni and also allows me to listen to music etc.) requires the removal of the battery compartment which is attached by almost microscopic screws. We had actually forgotten about asking whether or not the old shoe would fit, assuming that it would but when it turned out it doesn't. Instead of warning us about the battery compartment needing to be removed he just sent out the shoe with a tiny screw driver thing but the fact is neither I nor my parents would be comfortable messing with it so we have to wait to go back up and have him sort it out which is rather frustrating.

A brief taste of freedom

Well its hard to believe that the first semester of the final year of my degree is over and that by the end of May I will be finished with it for good. As I stated in The many returns this year hasn't been as enjoyable as the previous two, with an increase in work load and not seeing my friends as much as I would like. I finished my first semester exams a couple of days ago and I think they went ok but it's always hard to tell especially with exams solely consisting of essay questions. It was quite good that I only had two since I only had two taught modules this semester as well and the fact that they were so spread out was good as well because it meant I had more time to revise. That said the extended period of revision is tough especially with the added pressure that comes with the final year and I'm definitely glad to be finished even if I only get less than a full week before having to start the second semester.

I'm a bit nervous about this upcoming semester, while I'm sure the behavioural ecology and sociobiology module will be interesting I'm rather dreading the marine processes module. Unfortunately I am forced to do this module due to the limited choices in second semester modules, when it came down to it I effectively had three choices and I had to pick two and one of them required me to do a specific module in the first semester which I didn't want to do as I had already chosen two modules that I really wanted to do in first semester. There is also the aspect that this is the end of my degree and that I will have to work hard without the cushion of having further years to boost my marks if anything goes wrong. As well as the final exams of my degree and whatever work we are assigned for the two modules there is also the honours project which I will have to finish the practical work for, complete a rather large report on as well as do a ten minute presentation in front of lecturers and fellow students without notes on it. The presentation is hard enough for most people, but I have the added worry of whether or not people understand me.

With the end of my degree coming it's getting to a point where I will have to make some major decisions about my future. I will have to decide what I want to do next, do I want to do a masters then maybe a PhD or skip the masters and just do a PhD, do I want to look for a job or maybe it might be I decide to take some time out. This is also the first time that I've had a potential long free stretch ahead in which if I decided to have surgery and that's a very big if then I could do that without disrupting my education.

Overall I have lots to think about and lots to do and while I'm sure 2013 will be challenging I'm sure it will also be rewarding.

Thanks for reading and sorry for the lack of updates.

Re: Food glorious food

A parent of a child with Treacher Collins Syndrome coincidentally posted her own blog update about feeding but has gone into far more detail than I have on what it actually involves, you can read it here:
http://storyofkobe.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/a-day-in-life-of-kobe-and-his-feeding.html?spref=fb

This is the first time I've heard someone talk about using blended food straight in as I thought you had to use specially designed formulas but I guess you learn something new every day.

Food glorious food

It's no secret that I enjoy my food even if some of my friends like to joke that I only ever eat ham sandwiches  but I've not always been able to eat properly. As far as I'm aware up until the age of eight I had a gastric feeding tube. For those who are not aware a feeding tube (or at least the one I had) is surgically implanted in order to deliver food straight to the stomach, it is held in the right position by a small balloon and the outside has a lid on it which you open when connecting the food supply.

As far as I can remember mine looked pretty similar to this

Some of you may think that it sounds horrible but the only really bad thing about it for me at the time was that it took away from play time. That said I didn't like having it changed (every time the balloon deflated then the tube would become loose and indicate that it would need changed) but I'm not sure why I got so worked up about it since it didn't really hurt it was just a bit uncomfortable. I did eat normal food as well (I think) but it wasn't enough to keep my weight up mostly because I struggled to eat with the way my mouth is. I  do still remember the day that the doctor decided I could do well enough without it at the quite late age of eight and I was very happy to be rid of it probably because it meant I would be more like my friends and also because it meant I could start swimming. The removal process just meant taking it out as if it was being changed and leaving it out, no surgery necessary. A dressing was put over it and it closed from the inside all by itself unfortunately it didn't really close up on the outside and so I like to joke that it is my second belly button. I know I am very lucky since I don't need it any more but it is quite an obvious scar and every now and then it becomes more sensitive (it is quite sensitive to touch most of the time) which can be annoying.

Even though I didn't have the feeding tube any more I still wasn't on a 100% solid diet and I had these so called malnutrition drinks called fortisip several times a day to boost my calorie intake. I guess you could say they are kinda like a milkshake and come in different flavours like chocolate, tropical, strawberry, banana etc. Whilst I could probably go without them now I'm not so big on the whole breakfast thing in terms of cereal or toast or whatever so I still have a double fortisip to start the day (it may also be that |I'm slightly addicted to them ha ha).

mmm yummy!

In terms of eating speed before I started university I was able to eat a lot more quicker than in the past and there wasn't so much of a delay between my family finishing dinner and me finishing dinner. Unfortunately when I started university I got a bad throat infection which seemed to drag on and combined with stress and other seemingly misdiagnoses I had quite a long period where my eating slowed way down and I think even after my throat was fully healed my confidence was knocked which meant that my eating didn't immediately return to the speed it was that. Thankfully I think I've started to speed up a bit and hopefully I will be able to eat at a more normal pace despite the limitations of my jaw.

Whilst I do enjoy many different kinds of food I do have one addiction and that is to Krispe Kreme's original glazed donuts. It is a good thing that they are not available here as I would probably eat several a day as they are that good. They only appear to be available in England or the USA.

My not so secret addiction

Thanks for reading.