Well to say that November was a tough month for me would be an understatement! At the start of the month I was in a bit of a limbo, I had time to recuperate after submitting my thesis and also suffered from a cold and then a cough but I didn't need to start focusing on my preparation for my PhD viva (interview with a external and internal examiner where you defend your thesis) just quite yet. Possibly due to having nothing to really focus on and having so much free time to think about things I started to feel a bit down. I ended up getting some negative thoughts stuck in my head that I would normally be able to shake off. I ended up talking to my parents and felt a bit better but around this time I started to feel off with a constant feeling of nausea. I felt mostly fine otherwise but it didn't do much for my anxiety levels and I started to worry about things I didn't need to worry about. Long story short it was a rough few weeks, I had nausea then I was exhausted, my appetite wasn't great then the nausea went away only to be replaced by my stomach being upset/unsettled. I felt all over the place physically which didn't help my mental state. It didn't help that I had it in my head that it couldn't be a stomach bug or something because I wasn't throwing up but we spoke to the pharmacist who said that's what it likely was and it was normal for it to take a while to pass. I was also worried that my mental state wasn't helping things so it was frustrating when I managed to set my worries aside only to still feel rubbish. There are reports that your stomach can be linked to your mental state and if things are not right in your gut then it can affect your mental health. I have to say I am a believer because I was definitely not myself. It was only at the start of a couple of weeks that I started to properly feel like myself again which was disappointing because I had actually been away for a short break with my family and despite feeling good on the journey to the place and for most of the first day I really struggled to lift my mood that night and the next day.
So we got back from our break and I was feeling better but now I had to really up my preparation for the viva. I went through the my analyses, I asked my supervisor a lot of questions and I looked up common questions online. On reading through my thesis again I was pleased to note that apart from a few minor typing mistakes/formatting mistakes there was nothing major. The problem with the viva is that it is very hard to know what to expect, everyone's different and each examiner will ask different questions. Mine started on the Friday late morning and lasted over 3 hours with one short break. It was tough because they asked a lot of questions about things I hadn't thought about or didn't think I needed to think about. The internal examiner caught me off guard early on by asking me about a line I had written in the introduction, something that I hadn't given any more thought to after writing it. Long story short it was tough but not overly so, communication was a bit of an issue but the examiners both seemed to be in positive moods. Unfortunately when it came for the time for me to step out of the room so they could make their decision they really took their time. I was left standing out in the corridor for what seemed like ages, at least 20 minutes if not 30.. It didn't help that there was another PhD student doing his viva at the same time and he had finished and found out he had passed. So I had to stand in the corridor and see him and hear people congratulate him whilst I awaited my fate. Thankfully they eventually came and brought me back to the room before congratulating me for passing with minor corrections (very uncommon to pass with no corrections). I only had a few days to relax after the viva until I had to go into hospital to get my wisdom tooth removed, something I will talk about in detail in my next update.
I'm currently waiting for the full list of corrections/revisions and apparently I will have 3 months to complete them but I hope to do it quicker than that to get it out of the way. Once the new version of the thesis is signed off then I will be able to get it printed and hardbound and submit copies to the university, the people who funded me and of course have one for myself. I will then hopefully graduate in the summer. It has been a very strange period, having been so focused on getting through my PhD and getting it all written up and to suddenly finish and have to start thinking about what I want to do next. It ended up being a bit of a perfect storm, negative thoughts, being ill, worries about the future, trying to navigate this transition period, stressing about the viva and then having the stress of the hospital and the subsequent recovery. Thankfully I'm feeling better in myself though obviously the future is still very uncertain for me as to what I want to do next. I find it difficult to sit about and do nothing but I am trying to enjoy some much needed time off and of course I'm looking forward to Christmas though no doubt it will fly by like it always does.
Thanks for reading, I will hopefully have a post about my hospital experience up soon as well.
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